


A Little Unsteady

by Enderon



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, YAY!(sarcasm), i actually had it almost finshed on tumblr but my browser crapped out so I had to rewrite it, ive wanted to write this one for a while
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 04:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7786804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enderon/pseuds/Enderon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pike had a feeling that there were things that Scanlan was still keeping from them all, things he felt he still couldn't share. But tonight was a step in the right direction, and she had a feeling he'd be quite alright.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Unsteady

_The air was filled with terrified screams and the road of flames, pounding into my ears. It took all of my will and concentration to stay focused on my set goal._

_I had to get there, I had to make sure she was okay._

_For once in my life I thanked my small size, the large, hulking monsters taking no notice of such a small creature, slinking along the sides of buildings. I stayed low, and made myself smaller the usual, shaking and trembling as I went._

_Finally, I caught sight of it. A small hut on the corner of the street. I felt some small semblance of hope build up inside me, and quickened my pace. I was terrified as I climbed over the still body of a neighbor, a kind, older human who had watched me once or twice in the past. I tried not to meet his dull, lifeless eyes as I scurried over._

_Going as fast my little legs could go, I made my way to the front step._

_The door was ajar, and off it's hinges._

_My breathe caught in my throat as I stepped inside, taking in what I saw before me. There were five of those monsters, all crowded around a body. Her body._

_Her head lolled back and stared at me with lifeless blue eyes, as one of them crouched over her. I could see that he was doing 'things' to her, bad things. I felt something bubble up from within me._

_Glancing out of the corner of my eye, I located the sword she always kept hidden right by the doorway. Taking it up, I grasped it two hands, feeling as though it would wrench my small arms from their sockets._

_"Hey!" I shouted, gaining the attention of all five. The one crouching over her grinned, and pulled his slimy, disgusting tongue up the length of her body._

_As they all began to laugh, I heard the blood in my ears, drowning out the screams and roar of flames from outside._

_Then my vision turned red._

Scanlan jolted up in bed, feeling the familiar cold sensation of sweat dripping from his body. He looked around himself, taking in where he was.

He wasn't there. He was in castle Whitestone. He was safe.

After coming to this conclusion, he pulled his legs up to his chest, and shoved his face into his knees, trying to stifle the tears in his eyes and stop the shaking of his body.

\---------------------------------------------

Pike smiled at Grog's loud, hearty laugh, the Goliath having been amused by some retort Vex made to a comment of Vax's. The four of them were walking into one of Whitestone's better taverns, the whole team having agreed to meet up and enjoy the night before setting off for another vestige the next day. They caught sight of Percy na dKeyleth waiting for them at one of the tables, the druid having already started the night's festivities before their arrival.

But Pike couldn't help but notice a member of their party missing. He'd been acting strange all day, and his seeming absence bothered her.

"Is Scanlan not here yet?" She wondered to Percy as he tried to keep Keyleth upright next to him.

"Oh no, he is," Percy nodded, gesturing with his thumb in the direction of the bar, "He was here when we showed up." Pike followed his hand to where, sure enough, the bard sat hunched at the bar. He was harder to recognize from behind, apparently having taken his hair down at some point in the day.

"Hey Grog!" She piped up, catching her oldest friend's attention, " I'll probably need help bringing the drinks over. Land me a hand?"

"Anything for you buddy." Grog agreed earnestly, following her quickly towards the bar. Once there, Pike pulled herself up into the stool, directly to the right of Scanlan, Grog leaning against the bar on his other side. "Hey there Scanlan, already had a bit too much to drink?" He laughed, referencing the gnome's bowed head and the mug of ale before him.

"Actually, that's his first one," the bar tender commented, wiping down a mug with a somewhat dirty rag, "And he hasn't hardly touched it."

"Oh." Pike and Grog shared a look. The cleric gently placed a hand on Scnalan's shoulder, and he slowly looked up at her.

He truly looked, for all the world, like someone who'd had a few too many to drink. His eyes were droopy and bloodshot, dark bags hanging underneath. His brow was furrowed in a troubled looking expression. His hair, usually well kept and tied back neatly, hung loosely in his face, somewhat ratty looking considering his usual appearance.

"Why don't you come over with us?" Pike suggested, her voice sweet in the way she knew he loved. The bard glanced over towards the rest of their team, laughing at the table nearby. He looked back to her, gave a half-hearted attempt at a smile, and nodded.

About an hour later, they'd managed to get a few drinks into their friend. Grog thought getting nicely drunk would pull Scanlan out of his mood, where as Pike hoped the drink would loosen his tongue and he'd open up to them about what was causing his strange mood in the first place.

In that time, the other members of the party realized rather quickly that something was wrong with their bard. It was hard not to notice his quietness as opposed to his usually boisterous and attention grabbing voice. He didn't sing, he didn't laugh, and any smiles he gave were weak and didn't reach his eyes.

"You guys are great," he mumbled into his drink, looking more and more weary as the night went on, "How could I possibly deserve a family like you?"

"You don't," Vex teased, running a hand through his loose hair, "But we love you anyways."

That pulled a small laugh out of him as he finished yet another mug. Grog moved to give him another, but Pike held a hand up to the barbarian. She wanted to see if she could finally get an answer out of him.

"So, what's been the matter today," she finally confronted, putting a hand over his, "You've been awfully strange all day. We've been rather worried."

Scanlan looked at her hand over his, staring at it for several minutes, before sighing and looking down once more. Pike feared that he would shut in and refuse to answer, before he started speaking.

"It's been so long, so fucking long, but it still hurts so much," he began, starting as a mumble but growing in strength as he spoke, "Like a wound that never quite fully healed. It fucking hurts."

Pike and Vex shared a look over his head. Neither knew what he was referring to, but both were equally troubled by the pain quite evident in his voice.

"I miss her. Every day I miss her and it sucks. And every year, on this day, I have that same dream, I relive that horrible nightmare every year."

Finally, Pike put it together.

"Oh Scanlan," she cooed gently, cupping her other hand around the one she already held, "We had no idea today was that day. Why didn't you tell us?"

Scanlan, for all of his tales and bragging and love of speaking of himself, very rarely spoke of his mother. From what little he had said, Pike knew he loved her very dearly, and that he had never fully come to terms with her death at the hands of a goblin raid. The realization that today must have been that day, and that he had been suffering alone in silence, broke her heart into pieces.

"I'm used to suffering alone," he admitted quietly, looking up at her with tears brimming in his eyes, "It's easier to just be alone than force my problems on to other people."

"Aw Scanlan, you don't have to be alone," Keyleth piped up, her voice still a bit slurred, though she seemed to have sobered up a bit from the solemn mood, "We're always here for you."

"Exactly," Vax agreed, reaching out and ruffling the bard's brown hair, "Most of us know that same pain, so we know you shouldn't suffer through it alone. We've all had loss, we can all relate."

Scnalan looked from each person to person, his eyes wide in apparent surprise, tears still brimming in them. Finally his eyes landed on Pike, who gave him a gentle smile and squeezed his hand between hers. Tears started flowing down his cheeks, and he frantically wiped away at them.

"Of course," he semi-laughed, "Of course you guys understand. I'm an idiot, I'm sorry."

"Don't need to be sorry," Grog exclaimed, looking bothered by the statement, "Not everybody's all that good at talkin bout how they feel. Ya don't need to feel bad about keepin it to yerself. It's kept ya safe this long." The Goliath was displaying one of his rare moments of wisdom, and it seemed to get a genuine smile out of Scanlan.

"Of course." he agreed, looking up. He was crying, but there was a genuine smile on his face.

As the night drew late, the whole team sat around laughing and enjoying themselves in this moment between danger. Scanlan opened up, shared stories of his childhood, happier times spent with his mother, and the rest of the party were only too happy to listen to him regale in such lighter times. And his reminiscing, opened up the others to reminisce about their happier times with family as well. At one point, they were all crying, at least a little bit, in memory of their childhood's.

And as they walked back to the castle, very early in the morning, Scanlan walked up beside her.

"Thanks for that," he explained, laughing a little at himself, "That was pretty gross back there and you pulled me out of it. It's almost like you love me or something."

"Of course I love you Scanlan." She explained, giving him a one armed hug as they walked. His eyes widened, just a little bit, before his expression softened into one of fondness.

"Ey, you two wanna ride?" Grog piped up from behind them, a dorky grin on his face.

"Heck yeah big guy!" Scanlan agreed, jumping up to his own perch on the Goliath's right shoulder. Pike laughed and joined him, seating herself on Grog's left shoulder.

Pike had a feeling that there were things that Scanlan was still keeping from them all, things he felt he still couldn't share. But tonight was a step in the right direction, and she had a feeling he'd be quite alright.


End file.
